AN ARABIAN MEMORY
Although I am fond of Goldens, I also have been a Horse Lover since I was a child. Ferdosh has gone to the Rainbow Bridge and Martha has shared this with us and we would like to share it with all our friends.
It was early in the morning and the mist was heavy in the air. Moisture was hanging off the branches of the nearby trees. It was quiet except for the sounds of your feet walking along the trail. Occasionally you could hear a bird calling to its mate. When we stopped you could hear the water rushing along the creek. it was cold enough so that I was wearing gloves and I could see the air with each breath tou took. So many years we had done this thing together. Time alone, time to remember how far we had come and where we were going. How much longer will we be able to do this? I just don't know. All I do know is that the last 20 years would not have been possible without you. So I want to tell you how much you have meant to me even though I know you will never read this.
It all began May, 1977. I could see your nose poking out of the feeder hole in the barn. When I saw you I fell in Love. You were fiesty, and the most beautiful horse I had ever seen. When we arrived at home you took a long look around the area while standing at the edge of the trailer. We stood together, a beginning of the most wonderful relationship between a girl and her horse. Then, gathering up all the courage of a 2 year old colt you leaped out of the trailer taking me with you. We had Arrived! Our first year was spent getting you ready to ride, learning how to deal with the clippers, seeing the world and learning to love each other. We made many mistakes, some costly and some silly. No matter what, we were developing a life long bond that would carry us both through some good times and some hard times.
Once I was able to ride you I could tell you didn't quite trust my judgement on the trail. You were sure I was going to get us onto trouble and I think you felt it was your job to set me straight. I'm not sure if this is an Arabian attitude or it was just yours. After time and a lot of experience I think you decided I might be able to make safe decisions, whatever, you began to trust me. I'm sure you do remember, however, that we still got into some very tight spots. There was the time we were going down a very, very narrow trail with drop offs on each side, the barb wire, the rushing creek that came up to your belly and who could ever forget the cows that came at us in Irving Park. And, there was the wild ride during the hailstorm, the many lessons, learning how to jump, the endurance ride, the sunsets, the coyotes, deer and bobcats, and the friends we made. After 20 years of riding I could probably fill up thousands of pages of all the things we have done and seen together.
Now as I look back over the years I wonder if you realize how very much I love you and need you. You, my best friend, have known me the longest. You were there for me whenever I needed you. I have spent many hours telling you my inner most secrets because I knew you would never tell and you never criticized my feelings. You loved me as Iwas. I hope your life has been filled with love and kindness and you have known how special; you are to me. I will always hope that I have given you a good life and no matter how much time we have left I will try to make it comfortable and loving for you.
I will always remember the time you came and laid down in your stall next to where I was sitting and put your head in my hands. I had been so sad because of how my life was going but to know that you, my friend, could feel my pain and want to help me through that tough time was probably the most special moment in my life. To look into your big brown eyes and see the kindness and love is something that not many people have the opportunity to do and I have had 20 years to be able to do just that. Certainly my life is so much richer because of you. You have taught me to care, to develop my sense of responsibility, and to enjoy the specialness of nature. So many times we rode together in silence enjoying the beautiful things that God put on this earth I knwe that my experiences with you helped me be closer to God.
I do believe that we have made it through this crisis and I can see you getting better. I can't believe that I could possibly feel more bonded and love you more than in the past but I do. How could I not feel closer to you after spending hours holding your beautiful head in my arme, looking at how sick you were and feeling how much you needed me. I promise you that I will do everything in my power to protect you, care for you, and give you eberything I can to make your life happy and healthy.
Ferdosh, thank you for our wonderful times together, the love you have given to me and the many lessons we have learned together. I do hope we still have many years left to add more experiences and memories to our 20 year scrapbook. I Love you.
Almost nine years have passed since I wrote to you last. We have added so many more memories to our lives together. You have come close to death 2 more times since December of 1996 and because of your fighting spirit you overcame the horrible obstacles. You have dealt with Cushings a serious disease that most horses do not survive long with. You have fought a brave fight with your spirit and love of life. Becaues of this we have continued to have new experiences. You lost your buddies Moe and Magic but after grieving you fought on. You fell in love with Amber and have spent the last 9 years with her. I must remember our rides in the hills, stopping at the top to watch the sun set, feeling the wind in our faces as we raced up the hills, the power walk you and Amber developed to leave the other horses in the dust and the sheer joy that you felt being out in the hills. We saw so many of God's creatures and enjoyed the rain, fog and wind as we quietly rode feeling the love we had for each other. We moved to a whole new life for you where you enjoyed the pastures with the freedom to move through acres of trees, streams and other horses. You were able to experience what horses are all about but you never forgot your love for me. Every day I came to see you, you greeted me with love and excitement, you made my heart melt. Then your best friend, Amber, came to join us and I could see how happy this made you. You celebrated your 30th birthday, something many Cushing horses are not lucky enough to be able to do. BNut now you are beginning to lose that fighting spirit and life is beginning to be very hard. I can see the change in you and it breaks my heart. I know that you are happy to see me and happy to be free to roam but moving is much more difficult and that is understandable at your age. I will conntinue to do my best to provide for your comfort and to give you the love you so deserve. I will understand if and when life becomes to difficult that I must let you go to be with Moe and Magic. Do not worry my precious boy I will keep going because you will ALWAYS be with me, in my heart and soul so until that time I am here loving you moment by moment.
You are still having more good days than bad days and this is good. I have seen the changes in the last 6 months in your body and blood work. Not all tests are back but when they are we will decide what our plan is to make you comfortable until that time that you tell me you are ready to go. Until that you will have the pasture to roam, wild grass to munch on, sunsets to experience and my unconditional love. I have to smile at the things that are happening now even knowing the sad reasons.Trying to get a urine sample was challenging, your funny mad face after the bute and your knowing face to see the vet drive up and you taking off to the corner of the pasture. What I would give to be able to climb on your back and go off into the hills to see once more the beauty of our earth and share this moment with you. I know Iwill never be able to do this again with you at my side but you have to know that every rain storm, every sunset, every walk in the woods, and every time I smell that special horse smell you will be in my heart, my souland my very being. Iwill carry you with me always.
After all the tests have now come in we are suspecting kidney and/or bladder stones. This, I am sure is painful, but still you are a trooper. I watch the days to see what kind they are for you. You have had several good days but tonight is not a good night. You are in some kind of pain. Colic, stones, I don't know. Lyn has you trotting some and that seened to help and now we will see how you do. If you get worse I will be on my way to be by your side and if you are better then I will be there in the morning. I wish you could talk to me and tell me what you are feeling. Your eyes do talk and that is what we watch closely. I am here for you my precious boy.
The time has come my special friend to say good-bye. You are tired and unable to fight and I must let you go to God and the beautiful pastures in Heaven. You have been an elegant and proud boy and I will not let you down because I know you hate being the way you are right now. My heart is breaking because I will not have you to touch, kiss, and be by your side. But i do know that with every sunset, you will be there; with every rainstorm, you will be there; with every breeze in the trees, you will be there. I will never look at a hill without seeing us riding up the many hills we conquered. I will never look at another vista from the top of a hill without feeling your prresence. My life was forever changedwhen you became my partner and friend and I will continue to feel your presence each and every day.I know that you will be young and healthy again and you will be charging through the green pastures and meadows with your friends, Moe and Magic. Some day we will be together again. Thank you for the memories, thank you for yout trust and thank you for your Love. Good-bye my special friend and I will Love you forever.
September 14, 2005
Petey and Beau would visit Ferdosh and walk underneath him and they would also "Sniff" noses. Truly this was something to see, a Beautiful Arabian horse and Goldens having so much fun. Petey has gone to the bridge also and I'll just bet He and Ferdosh are running the Meadowlands waiting until the time we all meet again.
Today, September 14, 2006 marks one year since Ferdosh went to the Rainbow Bridge.
Join us in a moment of Silence.
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